Orca Safari-Vacation from my vacation November 16th 2017

When you think of vacation, the boiler-plate image that comes to mind is a restful lounge chair under a palm tree on a sandy beach.

Maybe for some people.

Two degrees colder than yesterday but bright, sunny and clear with the top deck glistening with ice droplets, we made our way out of the Sørkjosen harbour back to our playful new friends.

After breakfast, I layered up and put on the exposure suit before climbing the ladder to the observation area to join the other guests. With my binoculars, I scoped out the scene from the pinky pearl sky to the snow-laden peaks and the colourful wooden structures in the villages below. It was breathtaking. Again, my words will never do it justice and I'll have to depend on the kindness of my fellow passengers and their photos to illustrate.

Photo credit: Donna N.

Photo credit: Donna N.

Photo credit: Donna N.

We came up to a pod of shy but active Orca. They spyhopped and buzzed by us to check us out but Pierre Robert de Latour knew that they weren't ready for an in-water encounter just yet.

Photo credit: Donna N.

Photo credit: Donna N.

I was really enjoying the serenity of the scene and thought to myself, I think I'll just stay on board today while the others go out. Why not? It's my holiday. Maybe there is no lounge chair under a palm tree but I'll drink a hot cocoa instead of a Piña Colada with a paper umbrella and make the best of it.

As an Australian fellow passenger adorably put it:

"Now we have to take off all this clobber and put on all that *other* clobber!"

Her meaning was that we had so many layers of warm clothes that we need to strip off to don the decidedly NOT user-friendly dry suits.

I didn't regret my choice. I was able to get some privacy and some quiet time, compose all these reports and watch the others do their swim from topside.

There were two Humpbacks in the bay along with the Orca. It's not a good idea to get very close to the Humpbacks in Norwegian waters. They are in feeding mode, not sexy times and post-partum mode like in Tonga. A train of hungry Humpbacks here will blindly plow through a bunch of rubbery snorkelers.

Luckily, the big whales kept away and the swimmers saw plenty of Orca activities.

I helped them get the clobber off when they returned, freezing cold, numb and uncomfortable one and all.

Photo credit: Donna N.

And yet, they are still so enchanted with the beautiful Orca that Sula and Norway have shared with us!

Orca Safari-Highlights of living on the M/S Sula

On Wednesday, November 15th, the day after we were denied an in-water encounter with Orca because there were too many Humpbacks, (oh, boo-hoo-hoo as if *that* was such a hardship!) the Norwegian whale gods gave us abundant opportunities to swim.

It's pretty much impossible to describe what it is like to be in their world, hearing them click and feeling their vocalizations resonate through your own body. If you can visit the Facebook page of Pierre Robert de Latour and view his videos and photos, you might get some idea of the undersea experience from the images but the best way to understand the difficulty I'm having putting it into words would be to go to Norway and try it for yourself.

Let me instead tell you about life on board the M/S Sula and how this is a trip that you need to take.

I can start by reminding you again of how wonderful the food is. I come from Montreal, one of the best foodie-cities in North-America, have travelled extensively and am not exactly a size zero kind o' gal so I feel like an authority on this point. After Wednesday's successful whale encounter we enjoyed two types of home-made, hot and hearty bouillons, one with mussels, scallops and shrimp and one was a curried beef stew.

Dinner that evening was fall-off-the-bone lamb shank with ooey gooey marrow dripping into the roasting pan accompanied by thick yogurt mint sauce, mango chutney, papadums and a stick-to-yer ribs side dish of long grain rice with discs of grilled corn on the cob, arugula and tomato.

Thursday's lunch was pasta with three different home-made sauces and I was too busy eating to have noted what kind of sauces! Then we relished a fish-supper caught by the crew using rod and reel. It was Monkfish and Pollack served with feta salad and a beet carrot potato vegetable side dish. There was a huge mid-day meal of Orca-sized hamburgers before heading back to terra-firma on our last day. These burgers were so big they needed to be held fast to the buns with dangerous wooden skewers reminiscent of whaling harpoons...scary!

I mean we're on a 90 foot fishing boat with a tiny kitchen, not a cruise ship with a giant galley and a staff of hundreds! There was a different kind of freshly baked bread every day! It was so unexpected and it was so much better than the mass-produced trough-feed that you get on "luxury" boats. They are even accommodating for all manner of vegetarian, gluten-free and diabetic requirements. I wouldn't ask them to do strict Kosher or Halal but they would do their best to keep everyone happy.

Aside from raving about Chef John's incredible food, I'd like to commend the rest of the crew of the Sula for their enthusiasm, energy and humour. Felise was up early serving us breakfast, out late at night shopping for fresh food and tirelessly climbing up and down stairs and ladders fetching things pretty much the rest of the time! Despite all of this she would happily describe each meal, triple checking for guest allergies and when we were out swimming, she still had housekeeping to do but honestly, she never missed a chance to be friendly. She initially claimed that she wouldn't remember our names but within a day, knew our personalities, teased us and when she could spare a minute would join us outside to take in the beautiful sights and sounds of the Norwegian fjords.

Captain Olav was not only an experienced seaman that navigated us to the best spots but he is also an excellent photographer. He captured this really nice photo of two spy-hopping whales that I swear were watching and reacting to my crazy human dancing and waving. We always felt safe while on board. In summer, he takes the Sula up to Svalbard for viewing Polar Bears and Walrus as well as Beluga and other whales. I'm saving my pennies and my vacation days so that trip might be featured soon!

While Captain Olav drives the big boat, Tony Meyer and Gijs drive the Hårek, the aluminium dinghy. Tony's experience with the Orca in the region and his videography talent got him invited to work on the making of a major marine wildlife documentary the week our group visited. Although I never got to meet him in person, from the Facebook feeds, his personality and friendship with the crew of the Sula shines.

Gijs is also one of the most good-natured people you could ever meet. He loves his work, can't help but tease Felise like a little sister every chance he gets and even though he grumbled that he wasn't going to jump in the harbour with us for our polar plunge, he eventually couldn't help himself because he's such a viking! There was so much laughter when Gijs was around.

Finally, I must describe the Orca-whisperer, Pierre. He is French. He will tell you that he was born with fins on his feet as he began his underwater life spear-fishing at the age of nine. Every evening of the trip he will do an hour long presentation about the Orca and each one is well-prepared and passionately delivered. When you consider that he does at least a dozen trips of 3-6 days each every year, that's a lot of repeating the same information but you would never know it.

His curiosity about as well as his love of what he calls his Orca family, the kingdom of the dark, and his desire to communicate their story to us earth-bound laymen keeps his narrative fresh.

The reason that I pointed out his French nationality was to illuminate another interesting thing that I noticed about Pierre. Coming from Quebec as I do, although I'm a native English-speaker, I'm fluent in French and use it daily at work. Naturally, when introducing myself, I addressed him in his language but I got nothing but a blank stare in return. There was no appreciation for the little pun that I made "Je me sens Sula-gée" a play on the word 'soulagée' I feel relieved. He didn't react at all later in the week when I nicknamed him "chef d'orquestre", leader of the band but playing on orque (Orca) instead of 'orchestre'.

Of course his guests come to Norway from all over the world and speak many different languages so English becomes the lingua franca for the lectures, and it was during one of his lectures that I finally understood. In human communication, it's been estimated that 93% of it is non-verbal. We give cues with facial expression, tone, the way we hold our bodies. In whale communication, obviously 100% is non-verbal in the sense that they don't use words.

Pierre doesn't care about the 7%, it's extraneous noise to him. He can tell you everything with just one look and often will but this does not signal indifference. When he is with his Sula family, he cannot hide his love for them and expresses it openly!

So don't just take my useless words for it, visit OrcaNorway.info or use this booking engine and enquire about a trip.

Orca Safari-An educational folk-tale

Whales live in an organized society. It's not exactly like a bee colony where an individual's job is predestined by its morphology but more like a cooperative where individuals adapt their role to the task at hand.

The task of feeding is just that, a task. Remember the story of the little red hen who found some grain and decided that instead of eating it she would plant it but she needed help?

"Who will help me plant the grain?"

"Not I," said the dog. "Not I," said the duck. "Not I," said the cat etc.

Who will help me water the seeds? Who will help me tend the wheat? Who will help me thresh the wheat? Who will help me mill the wheat into flour? and so on.

When it comes time to ask "Who will help me EAT the bread?" The dog and the duck and the cat say "I will!!" and the little red hen is all "Bitch, please!" and enjoys her bread all by her damn self!

This is not Orca culture. Orcas share. Depending on where they live and what they eat, their hunting strategies vary greatly and are passed from generation to generation within the group.

Pierre Robert explained it last night using the Norwegian Orca population's technique of using echolocation as a group to find their prey.

They line up in a row and sweep the area sending out clicks of sound waves which travel through the water and return back to them with information that the whales perceive and interpret. They have such intelligence that they've even worked out the notion of space-time. They know that the sound waves take longer to bounce back from depth or distance. They can also interpret the returning waves originally emitted from their companions.

I can elaborate on the concept of mass echolocation in this way:
Imagine a ring of tourists all standing around some monumental statue. Each one can take a selfie in front of the statue and send it to their people at home so the the people at home can see the statue. Now what if this gang of tourists were all a part of the same family? Cousin Emily back home would receive images from each of her kin from all around the statue. She could get a pretty good idea of what the statue looked like because each image, taken from a different angle would reveal a part of the monument and cousin Emily could use her brain to put it all together and create a mapping of the thing.

Orcas in Norway can find schools of herring 300 m deep. The big males dive deep to drive the Herring to the surface where the others herd them into bait balls. Some feed while others swim to maintain the structure of the bait ball. Pierre Robert has remarked that this strategy has evolved to make it harder for "Not I," said the Humpback. The Orca used to make a single vertical column of herring corralled into a fishnado, easily targeted by the Hungry Hungry Humpbacks who would lazily lunge right up and steal it. More recently, they manoeuvre the herring laterally along the surface making it more of a moving target and keeping their little red hen bread all to themselves!

Our in-water encounter on November 15th was all about watching them use these techniques to feed cooperatively and I still haven't quite found a way to impart the magnitude of the size of these animals or the awe that I felt.

Orca Safari-Afterglow November 13th 2017

Monday afternoon the 13th of November
Pierre Robert, the Orca expert was ecstatic on the way back to the harbour to couple with the main ship. He stood on the bow of the Harek and did the hoochie coochie dance waving his arms and wiggling his wetsuit with exo-speedo bum. You can't do a better happy-dance than Monsieur de Latour post-encounter.

Photo credit: Donna N.

There were five homemade pizzas waiting for us cooked by Felise and John. We were all on an adrenaline rush as we gulped down the food taking inspiration from the whale feeding we had just observed.

The mood on board was discernibly celebratory. Even the quietest among us laughed and smiled and actively participated in recounting their version of the experience.

It turns out that I shouldn't have felt awkward for being a slow-poke. One guest in the other group had erred on the other side of the coin and was too eager. He jumped in BEFORE the signal and got in pretty big trouble. I observed how he bounced back from his dressing-down and felt a bit better. All was forgiven.

Everyone excitedly pulled up their photos and video and shared them on the big TV screen in the lounge/mess hall. It was so, I'm trying to think of the right word but to coin a phrase these independent people were "coagulating" coming together in the like-minded enjoyment of the moment.

We had time to come down from our high and ended the evening with another excellent and informative presentation about Orca feeding and how a critical over-fishing situation in the 1970s almost ruined the Norwegian ecosystem.

Now, even though quotas on herring fishing have been set and are being respected, a new threat has emerged : Krill hunting. Krill are tiny shrimp and are the main food consumed by the Humpback whales. Krill are rich in a nutritious oil and fatty acid called Omega-3. You've surely heard of this being added to products for its anti-aging properties. Well, the bad news is that it takes a large harvest of Krill to produce a small quantity of Omega-3 and the whales have had to modify their food-source to compensate. They are now in competition with the Orca for the Herring.

Pierre Robert has even observed fights between the Orca and the Humpbacks but most interestingly, in the 20 years he has been in the region, he has seen the feeding grounds and hunting techniques evolve to reduce the impact of their new rivals. It was such an interesting talk.

Next we were treated to a Codfish dinner with roasted potatoes, cauliflower and asparagus, green peas and a reduction of lobster sauce that had been cooking since 9 am! It was exquisite. A subset of our group stayed up late drinking wine and chatting as we edited our respective photos, videos and trip reports until the excitement of the day morphed into exhaustion and we staggered off to bed.

Orca Safari-First in-water encounter November 13th 2017

I awoke to the vibration of the Sula preparing to leave the dock and got dressed in my base layer of woollies but opted for the professional-grade exposure suit today. A nice, insulated, waterproof and windproof flotation overall in a shade of Arctic fire-engine red.

I climbed the exterior ladder to enjoy the wind in my face up-top as we searched for whales to befriend.

At around 10 am we found the spot. The Sula pulled into the bay heralded by screaming gulls.

Photo credit: Nikon Donna N.

We saw so many whales we didn't even know where to look. Killer whales, Humpback whales, Fin whales, Herring flying at the surface and all of us on board gawking and clicking cameras and one of us bursting into tears. That, would be me. It was so beautiful.

Some of the Orca were feeding, some were travelling, some were playing and some were curiously popping their heads up to check us out. There was no time to lose, we had to take this gift of an opportunity on a practically windless day with calm seas and no amateur operators competing to swim using methods that our Orca expert would disapprove of.

Photo credit: Donna N.

Into the gear and into the aluminium boat we went knowing pretty much nothing about what was about to happen. Other than one guest and our Orca expert no one had dry-suit experience. No one had been aboard the Hårek (the aluminium boat) yet either. This would be the coldest water ever to touch my face. These would be the toothiest, apexiest predators that I had ever approached and yet, I felt somehow ready.

Photo credit: Donna N.

It was literally sink or swim. I sat at the end of the ladder and was the first in my group into the water. I felt no fear.

Then Gijs, the driver yelled "GO!"

What follows is a William S. Burroughs-style stream of consciousness vomit of feelings and words and retro-linear embellishment of the event as I experienced it at the time and as I remember and record it now, nearly a month later:

I slipped in and felt the water on my face...meh, not anywhere as painfully cold as I had anticipated. Kick, kick, look down. Mama Orca with baby closely connected. It was literally the first thing I saw underwater. I shall never forget it. EVER.

Visibility was poor and good at once. The water itself was clear but there were many particles bigger than plankton, like sequins falling off an antique gown, the scales of freshly killed Herring churned everywhere. Cartoon-like half-eaten fish with their backbones exposed floated by our masks.

Lifting my face out of the water to get my bearings, I see a dorsal fin six feet high slashing the surface and arching back under the chop. Instinctively, like a spectator at a tennis match I changed my perspective to follow the motion and resumed watching through the prism of the sea. The diving male Orca could not be more graceful and delicate chasing a single fish and slurping it into his mouth as if it were a strand of spaghetti.

My main perception of the whales at that time was straight from my limbic system.

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BIG!!
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BIG!!
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BIG!!

I have never been scared by the whales at all but they are massive and fast. 6 to 8 tonnes, up to 65 km/hr. Imagine crossing a highway and dodging Mercedes-Benz Sprinter Vans whizzing by. That's about how massive and fast.

Anyone among you who have snorkeled or used an underwater mask for diving know that they magnify things to a certain degree. A Barracuda seems extra toothy, Parrotfish scales are beautifully defined, Pufferfish faces are just that much fatter and cuter. It takes some experience to get a handle on judging size and distance accurately.

Take that visual cognitive dissonance and apply the same disclaimer as the one on your car's passenger side-view mirror "Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear" and the result is:

AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BIG!!
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BIG!!
AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
BIG!!

The only fair way to convey it without resorting to my cave-man level of description is this video link to the Facebook page of Pierre Robert de Latour of that actual in-water experience.

The Orca were everywhere. Males, females, young, juvenile and fully-grown all cooperatively feeding on the sparkly, spinning bait-ball. When the group moved past us, we had to re-position.

It was back to reality for me. No more cosmic at-one-with-nature-at-peace-with-the-universe dream state permitted. We needed to quickly board the aluminium boat and catch up to the Orca.

Getting back into the boat was very different than in tropical diving because we had to leave our fins on and climb the ladder backwards! Huh? At the top of ladder, we were expected to shuffle back and pivot onto a wooden bench then slide back along the bench to make room for the next person embarking. Oy. It did not help that the fins slip on the ladder rungs and that as Mr. Lawetz my H.S. physics teacher explained: two objects cannot occupy the same space. To wit, my ass and the handrails of the ladder.

The Frenchman hollering "Sleep on the woods" didn't help at all. He was trying to tell me to slide blindly backwards onto a wooden bench that I didn't even know existed. So I got yelled at again "Too slow!" sadface. My ego was bruised. I felt sorry for myself but at the same time, I really didn't care. I had just swum with Arctic Orca and if even if I never did it again, you could never take that image of the Mama Orca and her baby away from me.

Orca Safari-At sea November 12th 2017

The boat ride from Tromsø to Skjervøya took 12 hours. There is no shuffleboard deck so us passengers spent most of the daylight hours perched in the crow's nest watching for Orca.

It was clear and sunny with a footnote. The footnote is "sunny for Arctic November" which means that the sky is white with a pinkish hue rather than blue with wispy white clouds. The sun itself was not really visible above the horizon after noon.

Photo credit: Donna N.

We did have lovely sun earlier in the morning when we met the Orca pod. Their wet skin reflected the light beautifully. 

Photo credit: Tony G.

Photo credit: Tony G.

We cruised along at a leisurely pace, there was some wind but I was dressed properly thanks to my good friend Dan Foster at Deco Stop Outdoor Centre in Lancaster ON.

I wore merino wool socks, Helly Hansen long underwear with a Waterproof brand 3D Mesh Tec undersuit over those. I put a pair of Lululemon winter pants over that plus my insulated down skirt.

Then I put a Merino wool sweater over the Mesh Tec top and layered a fleece jacket, a down vest and finally a windproof shell with a fleecy neck warmer. On my head was a snug neoprene cap topped off with my Tibetan Tuque of Rainbow Pom Poms (made with love by yours truly). With two pairs of gloves and one pair of binoculars, four hours outside went by fairly quickly.

Unfortunately, we didn't see any wildlife but the Norwegian sea and landscapes were entertainment enough. Peak after snow-capped peak of huge mountains piercing the pink sky surrounded us through the fjords. At the base of those mountains, very dark soil sometimes with rocky beaches were dotted with little wooden structures. It felt like we were so removed from civilization but Norway's coasts are relatively densely populated. Just when you think you're finally in the middle of nowhere, somebody's hometown fishing village would come into view!

Lunch today was a seafood soup featuring mussels cooked in a white wine and tomato bouillon. We could smell it cooking and no one was disappointed when it was finally served to the eager guests. With some nice bread and butter, this warmed us up and we stayed outside until around 3 pm when it started getting too dark to spot whales.

We took turns getting kitted up in drysuits, gloves and hoods from the Sula's seemingly endless inventory. The neoprene suits are not the easiest to don and you basically have the flexibility of the Michelin Man in bondage gear but it will be warm in the freezing water. For some, the nylon trilaminate suits were a better fit but the neoprene made the squeeze over my *ahem* integrated buoyancy compensators (I'm a bit busty) so that's what I'll be wearing. I brought my own mask & snorkel & fins from home. For those readers that want to know more about the drysuit gear and how to use it, definitely take a trip to a local scuba diving shop to try some on or rent a suit and take a course! I actually hoped that we would have had the opportunity to try on the suits AND familiarise ourselves with their use before our first swim with the Orca but I guess it wasn't possible. The previous week, there had been precious few opportunities to swim with the whales so the crew didn't want to waste time and daylight with us newbies paddling around for nothing.

As each person went down into the hold for their fitting, the remaining group exchanged stories in the common room. I watched a video taken in Rurutu, Tahiti. The video begins with three adult Humpback whales calmly gliding through the water alongside a small group of snorkelers. As they pass, a large Oceanic Whitetip Shark comes into view but it posed no threat. The camera pans to a group of around 10 Pilot Whales calmly resting below the surface. SINGLE SHOT NO EDITING. I was drooling with awe. In turn, pretty much everyone had either a photo, a video or an incredible story to share. For that alone, this trip was such a terrific buy for someone like me.

We gathered at 6 pm for another presentation about Orca behaviour and communication by expert Pierre Robert de Latour. He described in detail his research about the application of Proxemics or the whales' use of social space (previously described by Anthropologist Edward T. Hall) to create the proper environment for positive underwater encounters. Just like humans, whales have a personal bubble. A mother and child or a husband and wife can be a foot apart comfortably but if a stranger stood that close to you, it's kind of ooky, right?

For whales, they have an intimate zone and a social zone. We are strangers so the idea is to graze the periphery of their 40 meter social bubble. What we are hoping for is that they choose to close the gap and interact with the human by including them in the social zone. There is no intrusion, the whales have the opportunity to engage or retreat at their leisure.

Dinner was medium-rare reindeer filet with herb butter and potatoes au gratin and cole slaw.

I feel like that last sentence could never do a decent job of describing exactly how exquisite that meal was. I polled the other guests and no one photographed it and there were zero leftovers. It will forever be the meal that I will never forget but that I can not prove ever occurred.

We pulled into the dock at around 8:30 pm beside a very...how shall I say ...fragrant? Yes, fragrant fish processing plant on the island of Skjervøya. Please enjoy the view from my upper bunk port hole.

There were mountains of these nets full of fresh fish, some with clouds of pungent steam still billowing. Much to my dismay, there were no legions of adorable Norwegian Forest cats showing up to steal the catch of the day.

A fellow guest and I spontaneously broke into the Fish Heads song. It was glorious.

While a few adventurous Ozzies ventured into the town's pub, I bunked down to write about the trip report and to dream of stinky Herring.

First impressions - November 11-12 2017

In the lobby of the hotel, there were a few people hanging around but none of them stood out as obviously part of the tour. I mean, no one was holding an Orca stuffed animal or wearing a whale-shaped tuque. One lady seemed to be buzzing around a little bit more actively so I said "Annah?" and I was right. It was Annah Evington, our tour leader from Whaleswim Adventures.

I had discovered Whaleswim Adventures seven years earlier and did a 10-day tour in the Kingdom of Tonga to swim with Humpbacks. They run a terrific operation from New Zealand and Australia and this was their first excursion to Norway. I highly recommend that you check out their website.

Annah introduced me to some others as we waited for the rest of the group to coalesce. We’re a group of 13 people. I was the only Canadian, there were two Americans travelling together, another American lady currently living in Ireland and one solo Japanese man, the rest are Kiwis and Australian. Among the southern hemisphere folks, there is one couple and everyone else is travelling solo. Like me, these are adventurers that don't have anyone in their life crazy enough to do these extreme trips!

Two vans, one hauling a trailer pulled up and we met Norwegian Captain Olav and his first mate, Gijs from Holland. They loaded our gear and we made a quick stop to provision at the local liquor shop. When I saw the fancy bottles that the Australians were buying I was booze-shamed with my lame bag of rosé which I had thought would be such a great idea. So, peer pressure forced me to shell out for a bottle of Pineau des Charentes and 750 ml of locally produced Akkevit!

We made our way to the dock of the Sula: Legend of Orcas in Kjosen a 20 minute drive away. 

Kjosen harbour. Photo credit: Donna N.

Kjosen harbour. Photo credit Donna N.

Photo credit: Donna N.

The Sula is a a 90-foot boat which has been modified to accommodate eco-tourists on their Norwegian adventure. There are three decks. The top deck has the bridge, a washroom and some cabins. Down a very steep staircase which is basically a ladder, you access the main deck.

The main deck housed the galley and the lounge-dining area along with several cabins and another washroom. Forward on the main deck, you could exit through a heavy bulkhead door and see the area where wet gear was stored to dry, see down into the hold of equipment inventory and access the observation area or "crow's nest".

Here's a lousy video with my annoying voice

Another steep ladder led down to more passenger cabins and the crew area on the lower deck.

We enjoyed some cookies and fresh fruit while getting our room assignments and waiting for our bags to be unloaded from the trailer. We went around the room and introduced ourselves. It was so lovely to be among these people who have all had amazing adventures around the world. I saw videos and photos and heard stories of their previous encounters with all kinds of critters from Elephant Seals in Antarctica to actual Elephants in Asia. I’m definitely in a crowd of my peers because we are all passionate about marine mammals. We are all lovers of the sea and we all made this trip from far-away places.

The crew gave us a safety briefing and a trip plan followed by a presentation by French Orca Expert Pierre Robert de Latour explaining how we can safely and successfully approach the whales. Then we had a delicious dinner of ginger-marinated chicken breasts with coconut lime sauce, basmati rice and salad accompanied by a home-made bread prepared by Chef John and crew-member Felise from Sweden.

I shared a cabin with Christine from Australia. It’s a bit crowded when we are both trying to actively use the space at the same time but it’s manageable if we take turns. We have a porthole and lots of hooks and hanging rods as well as a cupboard for our stuff and space under the bottom bunk too. I was on the top bunk which is easy to mount but a little less easy to dismount...in the dark...while trying to be quiet. Oh well...part of the fun, that's my take on it!

360 degree cabin tour!

First night on the Sula was so warm that I slept on top of the covers and just used my silk sleeping bag. We were still berthed but the movement of the boat was perceptible and there was a two metre change in the water level due to the tide. A creaky gangway signalled every wave with a croaking groan but it added a sensory dimension to my memory of the first night of this trip.

I climbed down from the top bunk at 5:30 am and snagged the "best seat in the house" before rush hour then putzed around on the internet until 8:30 when Skipper Olav started the Sula on its journey. At 9 o'clock we enjoyed frittata with oatmeal and yogurt and some hard cheese and jam on homemade bread.

It was fleeting but we did see a cute pod of Orca this morning. Unfortunately, they were quickly surrounded by a fleet of 8 zodiacs full of whale watch day-trippers and our guide freaked out at how disrespectful of the whales' space they were. He said "I don't want to deal with this shit, let's find our own Orcas." so we began the 12 hour journey to the island of Skjervøya.

Why Norway is the place to be...I mean pee

Going potty in a foreign land can sometimes be challenging.

Besides the strange food and unfamiliar water wreaking havoc on your internal plumbing, the actual plumbing might be non-existent or completely incomprehensible. Japan's toilets can range from a hole in the floor that you're meant to squat over to a robotic bit of technology that warms, washes, fluffs, starches and folds your bottom.

Fear not, neo-vikings! Norway is a country of extremely civilized elimination.

Exhibit A: Oslo airport. After a Trans-Atlantic flight, a customs and immigration inspection and a secondary security check, this girl was ready to sit and think before getting onto the connecting flight to Tromsø.

To access the restrooms, you descend a level from the main concourse with all the shops and foofarah, so it's already quieter and the announcements are muted considerably in this area. You make your way into the tiled "ladies' room" and see no counters, sinks, noisy hand dryers or even people. There are just two rows of identical doors lining the walls.

Intriguing.

Each door has a tiny red/green slot to signify occupied or vacant. Red means stop, green means go! Much easier than the kick and listen system I've used on my many visits to New Jersey's finest purveyor of airport porcelain.

I found a green door and popped into an oasis of calm, Scandi sanity. Locking the door behind me, there was a decent-sized hook weight-rated to support a carry-on bag of Arctic outer-wear. There was a dispenser of sanitizing foam and wipes to schmear over any bacteria-laden surface in the room. There was a large mirror with a counter and a basin to do your ablutions and re-apply your make-up should you be so inclined and of course, the garbage bins had foot pedals so you needn't touch anything dirty with your hands.

The room was fully cloistered with ceiling to floor walls and door. It was probably bigger than an American prison cell. Once inside, you could not even have any idea at all if there were people waiting because it was totally soundproof. I've never seen anything like it. It was spotlessly clean, didn't smell of diapers or death and was pretty much the polar opposite of the chaos in Newark's Liberty airport.

Then, I get to Tromsø's main square and water-front only to discover this wonderful piece of architecture.

How cool is that? A public toilet shaped like a Rubik's cube with funky glass lines and glowing lights to guide you in when darkness falls by 15 hundred hours!

On the basis of my first pee-break alone, I fell in love with this country of Norway.

YUL-EWR-OSL-TOS

After five months of research, planning and shopping for the right gear, it was go-time.

It would be a long trip but I'm good at planning for my comfort. My staple travel outfit has served me well for at least 10 years. No joke. If the good people at the Montreal airport ever compiled the security camera footage of my departures, they would notice that I always wear the same damn thing.

It's a red t-shirt with a long black and white speckle print skirt both are made of lightweight, washable, quick-drying fabric . You can spill anything on this outfit and have the option of washing it and having it dry pretty much instantly or just rely on the trompe l'oeil pattern to mask any stains!

For cozy warmth, there was my ever-present red cashmere scarf which doubles as a travel pillow, a long sweater coat on top and underneath, thigh high ribbed cotton stockings. Stockings are better than tights or hose because logistically, airplane toilets are just not a fun place to have to deal with rolling out of and into sausage casing.

Because I was travelling to the Arctic and had two plane changes upping the risk of a possible luggage snafu, I made sure to have warm outer-wear in my carry-on but used a vacuum compression sac, a marvellous product from Eagle Creek to reduce the volume.

Two other travel essentials for me are a few clean bandannas and a bottle of hand-sanitizer. The bandannas can be used to cover your nose and mouth when coughing, when your seat-mate stinks of tunafish or to mop your sweaty brow rushing to your gate. The hand-sanitizer just freshens you up after touching all kinds of hand-rails, tray tables, touch-screens and surfaces previously baptised by the snot of a thousand toddlers.

The trip to the airport was uneventful as was the leg from Montreal to Newark. After navigating from terminal A to terminal B by monorail, my boarding pass was rejected at the security desk so I had to visit the quiet SAS check-in counter to get a new one. There was just enough time for me to grab a drink and a snack before boarding the flight to Oslo.

I took my window seat and settled in for the almost seven hour flight. I'm not sure exactly at what point the feeling came over me but I had a sudden sensation of discomfort. I felt hot and panicky. I felt constrained and claustrophobic. This has not ever happened to me on a plane before.

All I wanted to do was remove my clothes and get away from all the people trapping me.

It was time for a chat with my brain. So I says to my brain, I says : "Hey, brain! Why don'tcha just shuddup and relax, mkay? We are stuck here for awhile and if you go all ape-shit and require an air-marshall to duct-tape you into submission, it won't be fun for anybody!"

Reaching into my most auto-hypnotic inner-monologue, I just kept counting to four...over...and over...one-two-three-four...one-two-three-four...one-two-three-four and somehow fell asleep.

The feeling never returned again, thank goodness.

Arrival in Oslo was smooth and I excitedly described it in a quickie Facebook post to friends and family:

WOW! This place is even more Norwegian than I would have imagined. In this globalized world, you usually see the same airport layouts pretty much where ever you go. There are similarities here but big differences too. OSL is literally green with gorgeous walls of potted tropical plants warming up the...wait for it...Norwegian Wood.

For serious, the flooring, the walls, the banisters and even the electronic security gateways have some form of lovely naturally finished wood.

It's also the quietest airport I've come across since visiting Japan. Newark on the other hand is so obnoxiously loud. The TSA agents barking out barely comprehensible instructions to weary ESL passengers is totally unnecessary. How about a few multilingual assistants to go down the line and quietly offer help like they have here?

Anyway, the other really cool thing is the FISH! Nothing like disembarking a 6 hour flight to find offerings of open faced salmon, caviar, egg & pickle sandwiches at 8 am. I'm not being sarcastic, to me, that is heavenly. Too bad I'm not hungry because SAS served TWO meals on the flight from EWR and I couldn't even finish one.

Oh, and anyone need a reindeer pelt? I can hook you up. They have cool Elk chorizo but I doubt I'd be allowed to bring that home. I'll check in again when I get to Tromsø.

It was surprising that it was a 737 from Oslo to Tromsø because I had imagined a tiny Dash-8 propeller plane. My destination wasn't some little Nowheresville it is a really big city and a popular place to visit.

It didn't take long for my baggage to come around the carousel and there were free buggies to use which I always appreciate. 5 dollar American "SmarteCartes" are actually TrèsStupides. BOO!

My pre-planning attempts did fail here though. I had researched the "flybussen" routes from the airport to the hotel and even bought a ticket using my credit card before leaving home. Unfortunately, the bus driver refused my ticket and said it was for a different bus company that he hadn't seen do a pickup all day! He suggested that I either call them directly or he would charge me half price and that I should get a refund from their company. Oh well, it was only 8 dollars, no biggie. The driver was so nice but I had no local currency with which to tip him so I wrote a glowing and thankful email to his company when I got to my hotel.

The bus ride was really cool. We went through a huge tunnel, so big that it even has a roundabout inside to connect all the intersecting directions. Emerging from the tunnel, we ended up downtown which is has a few main streets radiating up a hill from the waterfront. There is one main shopping mall and lots of hotels and individual stores in the area. I got dropped off right in front of my hotel and trundled my duffel to the front desk ready to experience Norwegian hospitality!