It's really more of a rant as I wallow in the doldrums between trips.
Today, I overheard this on my metro commute to work.
"Excuse me, could you please remove your backpack? Regretfully, I cannot remove my breasts."
I overheard it in my own mind because I reeeallly wanted to say it out loud. In both official languages.
Every day is a struggle between me and users of our public transit system. My grey hair is my passport to deliver this grumpy old-lady diatribe about the uncultured youth of today.
The real issue is that so many kids in my city are not even allowed to ride the city-bus or subway until they have graduated high-school. Their parents drive them everywhere and never give them the opportunity to learn by observation while their brains are still in that crucial phase of cerebral plasticity.
So here you go, parents. These are some handy flash cards to present to your kidlings before they are subjected to my cranky granny death stare of contempt.
- One hand on the pole, please. When you lean your whole body or wrap your arm around the pole, you take up too much real estate. Afraid of germs? Wear a damn mitten!
- Aside from those sardine can moments when you have no choice, please move into the subway car away from the door unless you intend to disembark at the next stop. If you are in the doorway, you can exit to let others off and then re-board. If you stand in the doorway like a nudnik, I will not be kind.
- Same rules apply when entering the train. Stand away from the door and wait your turn until people exit. Who do you think I am, Moses? I can't part your stupid kids like the Red Sea!
- Another subway platform peeve is when people are neither waiting along the wall or right at the edge. You need to leave a lane for folks to make their way to either end of the station.
- See above re: backpacks. Put them on floor, on your shoes or hold them in your hand. You leave them on your back and they are smashing my breasticles or grazing the faces of seated passengers.
There. I think I've covered all the bases. Any questions?
