YUL-EWR-OSL-TOS

After five months of research, planning and shopping for the right gear, it was go-time.

It would be a long trip but I'm good at planning for my comfort. My staple travel outfit has served me well for at least 10 years. No joke. If the good people at the Montreal airport ever compiled the security camera footage of my departures, they would notice that I always wear the same damn thing.

It's a red t-shirt with a long black and white speckle print skirt both are made of lightweight, washable, quick-drying fabric . You can spill anything on this outfit and have the option of washing it and having it dry pretty much instantly or just rely on the trompe l'oeil pattern to mask any stains!

For cozy warmth, there was my ever-present red cashmere scarf which doubles as a travel pillow, a long sweater coat on top and underneath, thigh high ribbed cotton stockings. Stockings are better than tights or hose because logistically, airplane toilets are just not a fun place to have to deal with rolling out of and into sausage casing.

Because I was travelling to the Arctic and had two plane changes upping the risk of a possible luggage snafu, I made sure to have warm outer-wear in my carry-on but used a vacuum compression sac, a marvellous product from Eagle Creek to reduce the volume.

Two other travel essentials for me are a few clean bandannas and a bottle of hand-sanitizer. The bandannas can be used to cover your nose and mouth when coughing, when your seat-mate stinks of tunafish or to mop your sweaty brow rushing to your gate. The hand-sanitizer just freshens you up after touching all kinds of hand-rails, tray tables, touch-screens and surfaces previously baptised by the snot of a thousand toddlers.

The trip to the airport was uneventful as was the leg from Montreal to Newark. After navigating from terminal A to terminal B by monorail, my boarding pass was rejected at the security desk so I had to visit the quiet SAS check-in counter to get a new one. There was just enough time for me to grab a drink and a snack before boarding the flight to Oslo.

I took my window seat and settled in for the almost seven hour flight. I'm not sure exactly at what point the feeling came over me but I had a sudden sensation of discomfort. I felt hot and panicky. I felt constrained and claustrophobic. This has not ever happened to me on a plane before.

All I wanted to do was remove my clothes and get away from all the people trapping me.

It was time for a chat with my brain. So I says to my brain, I says : "Hey, brain! Why don'tcha just shuddup and relax, mkay? We are stuck here for awhile and if you go all ape-shit and require an air-marshall to duct-tape you into submission, it won't be fun for anybody!"

Reaching into my most auto-hypnotic inner-monologue, I just kept counting to four...over...and over...one-two-three-four...one-two-three-four...one-two-three-four and somehow fell asleep.

The feeling never returned again, thank goodness.

Arrival in Oslo was smooth and I excitedly described it in a quickie Facebook post to friends and family:

WOW! This place is even more Norwegian than I would have imagined. In this globalized world, you usually see the same airport layouts pretty much where ever you go. There are similarities here but big differences too. OSL is literally green with gorgeous walls of potted tropical plants warming up the...wait for it...Norwegian Wood.

For serious, the flooring, the walls, the banisters and even the electronic security gateways have some form of lovely naturally finished wood.

It's also the quietest airport I've come across since visiting Japan. Newark on the other hand is so obnoxiously loud. The TSA agents barking out barely comprehensible instructions to weary ESL passengers is totally unnecessary. How about a few multilingual assistants to go down the line and quietly offer help like they have here?

Anyway, the other really cool thing is the FISH! Nothing like disembarking a 6 hour flight to find offerings of open faced salmon, caviar, egg & pickle sandwiches at 8 am. I'm not being sarcastic, to me, that is heavenly. Too bad I'm not hungry because SAS served TWO meals on the flight from EWR and I couldn't even finish one.

Oh, and anyone need a reindeer pelt? I can hook you up. They have cool Elk chorizo but I doubt I'd be allowed to bring that home. I'll check in again when I get to Tromsø.

It was surprising that it was a 737 from Oslo to Tromsø because I had imagined a tiny Dash-8 propeller plane. My destination wasn't some little Nowheresville it is a really big city and a popular place to visit.

It didn't take long for my baggage to come around the carousel and there were free buggies to use which I always appreciate. 5 dollar American "SmarteCartes" are actually TrèsStupides. BOO!

My pre-planning attempts did fail here though. I had researched the "flybussen" routes from the airport to the hotel and even bought a ticket using my credit card before leaving home. Unfortunately, the bus driver refused my ticket and said it was for a different bus company that he hadn't seen do a pickup all day! He suggested that I either call them directly or he would charge me half price and that I should get a refund from their company. Oh well, it was only 8 dollars, no biggie. The driver was so nice but I had no local currency with which to tip him so I wrote a glowing and thankful email to his company when I got to my hotel.

The bus ride was really cool. We went through a huge tunnel, so big that it even has a roundabout inside to connect all the intersecting directions. Emerging from the tunnel, we ended up downtown which is has a few main streets radiating up a hill from the waterfront. There is one main shopping mall and lots of hotels and individual stores in the area. I got dropped off right in front of my hotel and trundled my duffel to the front desk ready to experience Norwegian hospitality!